Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Randomize
