I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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