Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Randomize
