I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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