Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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