apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
God, I missed his penis.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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