just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
