I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
