so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
