My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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