I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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