I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
