there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
