used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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