True but thats because hes a fetus.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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