??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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