My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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