Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
