Pappa wants mamma naked
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
