While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
