So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
