This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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