Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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