Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
