I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
