He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
