i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize