They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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