wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You brought string cheese to the strip club
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
