there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
only if we run a train.
done.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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