That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
