even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Come share oat with me in your robe
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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