But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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