he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
