I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
