I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
