im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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