Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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