Where are you?
In a non slutty way
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
someone owes me an orgasm
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
