you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize