I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
