Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
