The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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