he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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