i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
