captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
