You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
