Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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