Pappa wants mamma naked
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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