White coat. Heels.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
