i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
