a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
