ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
