Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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