Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
