I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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