I wish I only lived at night.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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