Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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