Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Michael Bay diarrhea
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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