So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
