dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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