Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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