I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
