did you get engaged???
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
