My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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