i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
