you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
His nipple licking is glorious
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