Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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