I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
