my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
