loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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