I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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