I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
